How the 80/20 Rule Can Change Your Marriage (and Your Life)
I’m not here to throw fluff at you. My goal is simple: give you tools you can actually use to level up your life and relationships.
So let’s dive into a concept that can seriously shift how you approach both—the 80/20 rule.
You’ve probably heard of it before. The 80/20 rule, or Pareto Principle, says 20% of your actions produce 80% of your results. It’s everywhere:
- 20% of the Forbes list holds 80% of the total wealth.
- 20% of a city’s roads carry 80% of the traffic.
- 20% of customers drive 80% of a company’s revenue.
Now here’s where things get interesting: when you apply this kind of thinking to your life—your business, your marriage—it’s a game-changer.
In business, spotting that key 20% of tasks, clients, or strategies that drive the most results? That’s leverage.
I spent 20 years as a management consultant doing exactly that—finding the high-impact opportunities for clients.
Now, I’m helping men like you apply the same principle to your marriage.
Here’s the truth: you don’t have unlimited time, especially if you’re married, working hard, and raising kids.
The 80/20 rule helps you cut through the noise. It’s about focusing on what matters most and doubling down on that.
For example, it turns out that intimacy isn’t just about the quantity of time you spend together—it’s about the quality.
What you do when you’re together matters more than how often you’re together. And that’s where love languages come into play.
Love languages—gifts, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and words of affirmation—are the framework.
We each have a primary one. If you’re not speaking her language, you’re wasting your time.
The 80/20 rule shows up here too: figure out her main love language and you’ll fill 80% of her emotional “love tank” with 20% of the effort.
So, if her love language is words of affirmation but you keep buying her gifts, you’ll end up frustrated and feeling rejected.
Not because she doesn’t appreciate it, but because it’s not the thing that fills her up. You’re putting in the effort, but you’re not getting the results.
Flip that: if you know what matters to her (and you focus on that 20%), the connection builds. Fast.
Inside the Lion’s Den community, we’ve discovered that applying this kind of thinking leads to the biggest shifts in relationships.
One simple way to start?
Planning.
Yep, something as basic as planning date nights or setting the agenda for the weekend is a high-leverage move. You take the lead, she feels cared for—it’s that simple.
I even made a TikTok video about this that went viral because, let’s face it, men who plan stand out.
But the 80/20 rule isn’t just for your marriage. It’s for your own growth, too. There are certain actions you can take that will have a disproportionate impact on who you become as a man.
I’ve put together a list of 25 challenges that I believe are the 20% that will move the needle in your life.
It sounds unconventional, but it works. And it’s not therapy—it’s tribe.
